“When does trying become a waste of time? When does hope become delusional?” – Louise Penny, The Black Wolf
When, last March, I finally wrote “The End” on the manuscript I’d written and rewritten more times than I can count, I sat back into a huge sigh of relief and satisfaction. How quickly those feelings evaporated, shifting into baffled frustration and disappointment as rejections from agents rolled in. The deal was: Six months to try for an agent or indie publisher. If nothing arose by the end of six months, I’d turn to self-publishing. After extending the deadline to seven months, I have finally reached ‘enough!’
I’ll never not be disappointed at not ‘being published.’ I doubt I’ll ever fully let go of the desire to be validated by the industry’s gatekeepers. My work is cut out for me: Heal a deflated ego that has suffered months of rejections. Embrace the ‘obstacles into opportunities’ philosophy I’ve written about again and again in the memoir. Find validation within.
I didn’t expect everyone to love my book; I did expect someone to. I still expect someone — you — to find meaning, inspiration, humor, and love in the tale of transformation that took place during three years of living and teaching in the Middle East.
Agents, when they reply, use the vague boilerplate term, “this is not a fit for my list.” Online writing classes and podcasts bemoan the exclusivity of the publishing industry. Many say non-celebrity memoirs are hard, if not impossible, to sell. Others speak about the unlikelihood of acceptance of authors who don’t have enormous, already existing audiences (thousands of followers on an email list, Facebook, X, or Instagram). Whatever the reason, it’s time to move forward.
Once I soothe my battered feelings. Once I realize that battered feelings cannot destroy me. Once I dust myself off and lift my gaze, there is liberation staring me in the face. I can take this project into my own hands. Over the next six to seven months, I’ll work with a publishing consultant and editor to transform the manuscript into a book I can share with you.
And what an opportunity! (I keep telling myself and hoping to finally absorb and assimilate. Come on, ego. I’m waving the white flag. Get over yourself!)
Admitting defeat.
Accepting disappointment.
Still standing.
Still writing.
Still believing in the book.
I’ll keep you posted.
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As you said, unless your name is Paterson or the like it is almost impossible for a publisher to feel it worth their while to publish. Non-fiction must be even harder to get published unless you’re a celebrity or Ex-President.
I don’t think you’re in it for the money, you’re in it because you have a story to tell, and have the gift to be able to put your thoughts into words. Continue what you did last time and self-publish. I know I want to read those words and others will as well.
Love and all the best.
David
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Thanks for your support and belief in me! It means a lot. Love.
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Good for you! Don’t give up the book. Another friend of mine self-published and she was happy with the decision.
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Thanks for your support!
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I love hearing you when you speak from deep down in your heart and soul. And the words are so beautiful.
Thank you love Kass
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Thanks so much for your ongoing support. Love.
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Don’t give up, Joan!
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Thanks, Sandie! (And thanks for still being there! Hope all’s well with you. I went back to AAUW and was sad not to find you there.)
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3 years in Abu Dabi, 3+ years in writing your heart centered experiences. Your audience craves meaning, inspiration, humor, and love in the tale of transformation that took place. Perhaps we are not mainstream, where publishing and general corporate is chasing $$. But we want to absorb and learn from your experiences . You have been following your bliss. Please find that way that works for you, your audience is impatiently waiting….Love
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Thanks for your kind thoughts and support throughout the writing years. Thanks for your spiritual and material generosity. And … thanks for trying and succeeding to send this post!
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Hello Joan,
I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability from the place of contemplation you’re sitting.
Heal a deflated ego that has suffered months of rejections.
Embrace the ‘obstacles into opportunities’ philosophy I’ve written about again and again in the memoir.
Find validation within.
I suspect you’re mining gold from the shadows here. It’s a lot to chew on before being digested. A few things come up for me in reading your share.
It reminds me when I walked the Camino de Santiago trail in 2018 (500miles across Northern Spain). Locals would say, “The Camino will provide.” Trust and keep walking. It was meant to incite less thought, anticipation, or anxiety about the ‘not knowing’ next steps. They also said, “It is solved by walking.” I see you on a Camino of sorts, walking through this new wilderness of not knowing, being with what is, non-acceptance and acceptance, healing-embracing-searching and wonder and change, yet again.
I’m also reminded of a quote by Joseph Campbell, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.” I don’t see you fearful of entering the cave (the proverbial soup of not knowing and mixed emotions) as you are inspiringly courageous! I want to acknowledge and validate your spirit that I know will find the treasure through the mining process of this journey you’re walking.
Thank you for sharing, for being yourself unclothed. You’re an amazing human. Your email truly touched me. You make a difference.
Keep shining your radiant light. As a wise 94yo man once told me, “Il legitimus non carborundum.” (Don’t let the bastards grind you down.)
BIG love to you….Michele
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How very kind of you to offer so much reflection and support. Thank you. And … how serendipitous that you have walked the Camino and mention it here. I have been fantasizing and reading and wondering about the Camino for the past year. I still don’t know it it’s a metaphor or a literal possibility … or both, but each further connection to it brings the dream more alive. (The new book is titled An Unintended Pilgrimage.)
Thank you from the bottom and fullness of my heart.
love, Joan
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Thanks for your kind thoughts, and more thanks for trying and succeeding in sending this post!
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Hi Joan,
I commented on your blog but also wanted to encourage you. I’m only one reader but I love your style of writing.
If you put things aside for a while, I’d be interested to know what you replace that time with when you do your life. Big transition in some ways!
I’m currently in California for my great nephews bar mitzvah. I’ll be home on Sunday night late. Maybe we can get together one of these days. Sending love, Pamela.
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Thanks for responding to my post so kindly. Not really putting writing aside, but you’re right about a transition. New thoughts and plans that don’t really feel new.
I’d like to get together when you’re up for a visit.
Enjoy sunny California and family festivities.
Love, joan
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I also wish to congratulate you for the steps you’re taking. What I’ve read from your first book you are a good writer so I’m looking forward to your new book. I like how John O’Donohue suggests we be excessively gentle with ourselves.
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I love John O’Donohue’s reminder to be excessively gentle with ourselves (and others). Thank you for your kind words … and his.
Good spending a bit of time with you this morning. Stay well and gentle.
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The gatekeepers in publishing today are guarding a much narrower gate than what led to publishing “success” twenty or thirty years ago. And the world beyond that gate is notorioiusly bleak from what I’ve read of today’s big publishing houses – meager promotions campaigns (if they exist at all), a focus on celebrity “authored” works, and incompetent and incurious editors. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if most if not all of those editors you queried only read a few lines of your introductory letter before rejecting your proposal. The good news is what we now have in the ever-changing environment and technology for self publishing. I know you already know all this, but I empathize with your feelings of being rejected, especially after making such an effort to at least get some consideration. I remember coming upon a massive building on NYC’s Fifth Avenue last year and seeing these worrds on its side in larger than life script: “Charles Scrivener’s Sons – Publishing and Bookselling Founded 1846.” There was a time that sign would have inspired awe and respect but on that day I only felt nostalgia and some sadness. The big house publishing and bookselling giants will soon become relics. Don’t let those turkeys get you down. The world needs your words!
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sorry lovey,i couldnt manage to back on to leave a comment. im going kookoo with passwords…. just wanted mostly to say that im looking forward to reading your new book very much. and that its best to take matters into your own hands.stay out of business nonsense, and stay in your heart so you can continue to create, thats whats most important. i love you
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You did leave a comment! And I also go kookoo trying to reply to comments! All of what you say is right. I “just’ have to “get over myself” and my desire for external validation from the gatekeepers of the writing world. Great work for the ego! Who knew? I thought I was trying to write from my heart and then share it. But so much more is tested! All my love back to you.
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