At 5:35 a.m., a single ray of sunlight sneaked through the crack in the curtains. It sent just enough light into the room to rouse me from the tail-end of a dream in which a locomotive crashed through and devastated my dream-home.
Waking, I lay still, catching my breath, finding the morning, re-claiming the day-world. Eyes still closed, the light beyond my eyelids gratefully transformed the strange train-wrecked dream-world back into the golden peace of familiarity and a summer morning.
Breathing myself into the break-of-day, I opened my eyes.
Across the room, the ray of light landed with precision on the photograph of Philip that sits above my desk. A sunbeam spotlight lit his face while everything else remained in dusky darkness. Good morning, my love.
The words to an old song stirred in the cave of my memory.
But all I have is a photograph. And I realize you’re not coming back anymore.
What song was that? If Philip were here, he’d sing it instantly, no problem retrieving words or tune. His inner storeroom of old songs was remarkable.
I opened the curtains. Sunlight filled the room with light, dissipated sorrow. More and more, I learn to let the emotions of grief ebb and flow. The sorrow has mostly taken on a sweetness that’s gentler, easier to live with.
Later in the morning, thanks to the Internet, I found Ringo Starr and George Harrison singing the song, “Photograph.” I cried and sang along. Cried for Philip not coming back anymore, cried with the nostalgia of the music and those familiar voices.
I can’t get used to living here, while my heart is broke, my tears I cry for you. /I want you here to have and hold, as the years go by and we grow old and grey. /Now you’re expecting me to live without you, but that’s not something that I’m looking forward to.
Here’s the link to the song if you want to travel back to wherever that tune and those beautiful zany boys take you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhDKHo2wapM
And here’s my good news. The audiobook version of Life with an Impossible Person is now available on Amazon, Audible, and iTunes. Or you can use this link. Please, go there and listen to the Free Audible Sample.
The narrator, Katya Jadwick, is an actress with an exceptional ability to place herself fully inside the characters and the story. We have collaborated throughout this last year as she worked on the recording. The result is a reading that has the power to move me to tears, laugh out loud, and ache with longing. Her performance lifts the words off the pages and gently carries the listener into the scenes and emotions of the book.
Katya also happens to be the grownup version of the little girl I met when she was three years old. Philip carried her on his shoulders, sang, and recited poetry to her. We had the great good fortune to be close to her through her childhood, her teens, and into her young womanhood. She has infused her love for Philip and the depths of her soul into the reading, and, hence, touches the heart over and over again. This performance is a beautiful gift to me, and I believe to all who will listen. Katya’s reading is a spoken-word sunbeam sneaking through the curtains, lovingly illuminating Life with an Impossible Person. Heartfelt thanks, Katya.
Joan Heiman 
Hope you see this. What an exciting announcement! So happy you have gotten to this point.❤️💕
Sent from my iPhone
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Yes, Audrey. I have seen it and thank you for your response. I hope you can at least listen to the free sample and maybe even let friends back East know about its existence. I so much want to share Katya’s performance. And, yes, it is good to have moved into a place of deeper peace and acceptance. love.
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How lovely this is! Mary
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Thanks so much, Mary. Kind regards to you and Frida.
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Good for you, Joan! You’ve done it! I hope you have been well; my family is okay.
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Oh, Sandy! How good to hear from you! Thank you for responding here, for being a loyal reader … and responder! Yes, I’ve stayed well … gratefully. Glad this is so for you and your family, too. Warm regards.
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Beautiful reading.
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Thank you! I’ll direct Katya to your comment.
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Joan, this is so beautiful and so sweetly written. Thank you for sharing this moment, reading it felt like being with you. I can’t wait to listen to the audio, congratulations on getting this done!!! What a feat, and a way to spread the message in your book to so many more.
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Oh, thank you. Your response means a lot to me. Do you really plan to listen? That would be great. I really think Katya’s performance is beautiful. Love.
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This is poetic and beautiful and honest. Thank you. Here’s the comment I tried to post on WP
I celebrate your accomplishment, Joan! But I have to admit I was distracted by my renewed adolescent crush. It was really George Harrison all along. And now I see this song in an entirely new light, as did you on the morning of your moment with a photograph. Your words (and the song lyrics) reflect my own experience. Thank you.
Unfortunately I have a dormant account on WP so every time I try to post a comment it asks me to login. And I have no idea about my passwords. Maybe I’ll go in and get rid of that account….someday.
C
>
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Your comment did get onto my site. So, maybe you don’t have to worry about the login request? Thanks for this. It took me a few years of cycling between Paul McCartney’s puppy dog eyes and John Lennon’s eros to finally turn to George Harrison’s soulful and spiritual seeking. Heck … I even loved Ringo at one time or another. Much more fickle than you. I’m gratified to hear that my words touched that place of loss we share. (Now, please let me know if this reply gets back to you!)
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Added your email..to feel more confident that you”d get this (always have a backup plan 🙂 ) What a blessing to know and love Katya and be able to ask her to do this audio. You told me she was beautiful…and so it is…
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Thank you for your response here. You’re right … Katya is a gift, a blessing, someone to hold permanently on my gratitude list … with deepest love.
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I read your reply in your blog comments…I did not get an email reply.
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Ahh … was afraid of that. Wish I knew how to make the site do what I want!?!? Thanks for checking and for letting me know. xoxo Joan D. Heiman joanheiman.com
*”Let the Beauty we love, be what we do*.” (Rumi)
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Great love and life you both shared!!
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Yes, I am very grateful.
Thank you for reading and responding to me, Marion.
May all be well with you and Frank.
love, joan
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