Impulse to Share

He always said all the leaves would be fallen by his birthday.

On the day before what would have been Philip’s 71st birthday, I finished reading my book (sounds so narcissistic!) for the first time. I mean reading it all the way through without my critic’s eye and editing pen in hand. It’s been a surprisingly good few days of reconnecting with myself and with Philip. It’s given me another go at reflecting on who I’ve become …who I’m becoming after three and a half years of time and tears.

As far as the book itself, I’m greatly relieved to find that I am pleased with it. (Not counting the endless little changes I would make … ad infinitum … ad nauseum!)  I have my intrepid editor, Molly, to thank for the cohesion and flow. The book pretty well says what I’d hoped it to say and reads as I’d hoped it would. This is a gratitude and satisfaction I’ve never known before. A tangible work begun and completed.

But I’ve also had another somewhat unexpected reaction. I wrote the book following an impulse to share what befell Philip and what transpired within me in the months, weeks, days, and hours before Philip’s death … and, then, afterwards. At that time, I particularly wished family and close friends to better understand what had happened. Now a desire to share with a wider, unknown audience has arisen. I long to extend the reach of the book, to offer it as support to others who are grieving – hoping that it may provide moments of reflection and opportunities to voice the multitude of emotions and conflicts that come with this uncharted territory. I find myself wishing this book to be of service. And I’m wondering how I might do that. Any thoughts would be greatly welcomed and appreciated. Written and given with love today…on Philip’s birthday.

9 thoughts on “Impulse to Share

  1. It would be awesome to continuevthe conversation with many readers as to your thoughts and feelings now. Thank you for your well written, thought provoking words.


  2. Thank you. Yes, it would be. I’m just searching for ways to do this. (Have noted some of your ideas already shared and will pursue them.) Love.


    1. Thank you, Cathy. Please, remember to give her the title of the book. In a hypnogogic, pre-waking state this morning, I told myself to include the name of the book in that post. Your comment reminds me that I forgot once awake. sigh … I ache for Jeanne and the road ahead. Please, let me know if you think there’s anything more I can do for her. Sending love and warm wishes for a connecting and nurturing Holiday this week. Love.


  3. Joan, What a lovely post! And I think seeing your book as service to others will be very helpful in getting it out there. (Maybe that’s why I can’t get too motivate about my own?) One thought I had just after reading it: How about seeing if you could get your book into hospital gift stores? My talk on Stalin was yesterday. Bill had suggested I divide it in two, and it is true I looked up after an hour and I had not yet gotten to World War II. I might do the war years next year, but for the time being I am through. I’m so glad that it’s over, though I realized there is nothing quite so engrossing to me as historical research. I feel like I like so much! I got lots of compliments, but then how seriously can you take those? It’s not as if people would tell you if you did a bad job. Are you going to a friend’s for Thanksgiving or having a quiet day at home? The one sounds as good to me as the other. Have a happy day, however you spend it.

    love, Margot



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